Ah... Stress

Seriously. So many difficult decisions lately. I can only make my best guess at what I should do and then let the Lord take care of the rest. Its amazing how often I feel his hand in my life. I had been praying and praying about a difficult decision and felt nothing. Honestly I was kinda bummed. But after I made my decision I just felt so good about it I knew that he was trying to teach me a lesson. That I need to make my decision first and then look to him to see if its what I should do. 

I feel good about this decision so I do hope everything turns out alright. For the time being, things are going to be kind of tough. I just have to get through the tough awkward stuff so I can get on with the good stuff.

I don't say enough, I don't do as much as I should. I always find myself lacking in what I should be. I hope Heavenly Father's hand is guiding me to place where I can do better. Because I want to do better. 

One of my favorite church songs right now is called "My Kindness Shall Not Depart From Thee"

I love it so much, its a beautiful song. Listen to it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irX0E4-mc9U&list=PLE7BCB49E054AA9C9&index=8

My favorite part of it is at about 3:25 

"If thine afflictions seem at times too great to bear, I know thine every thought and every care. And though the very jaws of hell gape after thee, I am with thee. "

Every time I hear this I cry. Its my cry button. I'm not sure why. Maybe because at this time in my life I so often feel like I'm on the edge and falling backgrounds. That there is literally jaws gaping behind me just waiting for me to stumble. 

Its been a tough time lately... or at least the last couple of years... or my whole life. I'm not really sure. 

Realizations

Has a couple of realizations today. I was talking to a friend about my problems at work. I have a hard time getting along with my boss and it's really been getting to me. I've had trouble eating, had nightmares, and just generally been pretty stressed out. I've been terrified to make a mistake at work because I'm afraid I will get yelled at more and it already happens so often just because of little mistakes! I kept asking myself how someone can get to be in a supervisor position when they treat their employees like that. I kept feeling like a failure because it seems like I just kept messing up and he didn't approve of me or my work and it was all just pretty horrible. But I had some wise advice given to me by my friend:


1: Perhaps my boss just thinks I can take it because when I do get yelled out I always keep my cool and act professionally.
2: Bosses are critical of their employees when the know they are capable of more. Perhaps the reason I feel like my boss has been singling me out and being so hard on me is because I have more potential. Bosses push the people who can do more.

Of course then again my boss could just be a jerk. But I'm gonna be optimistic and just hope that it is one of the above reasons.

I'm quitting so it doesn't really matter anyways. But I want to remember this advice in the future.

And more please.

What do you do when you read/watch something and you just want so badly to have an adventure like that?

I mean it. really. What are you supposed to do? You're sitting here all inspired and ready to make waves in the world. So much potential energy. And then you just let it all go because you don't know how to find what it is you're looking for. How do we find adventures of epic proportions?

I mean, come on, I have a very vivid imagination and it serves me well but sometimes you just need to get out THERE and make it happen. Things don't always look the same in the real world.

I sit here and try to tell myself that we live for the small little everyday adventures. That we have to see the good in every day. But it's not working!

Now I've seen what's out there and how wonderful it is. All I want to do is go back to it. And more.

So here is my formula for adventure:

1. Good people/friends
2. A new environment
3. An open mind
4. Leave your safety net behind

I think that the most important aspects of an adventure to remember are that you can't feel comfortable and still have an adventure. I believe the two are mutually exclusive. So many people are used to their life of conformity, comfort. Security is monotonous. Step away from the conventional life.

Find it. As much as we wish it would happen, Gandolf is not going to come knocking at our door, begging our pardon as he sweeps us off to adventure.

Remember, the world is on your side. And that it is the unknown that draws us.

And most importantly, NO BOYS ALLOWED...

 Haha jk. They can come.